Ramdomness

Nothing and everything

I miss drawing. I miss how relaxing it was to be creative using that art form, and the satisfaction of making something awesome from your imagination.

I used to sit for hours on end, drawing whatever struck my fancy. There was never any rhyme or reason – it was done for the love of simple creativity.

As I’ve gotten older, I have the tendency to favor writing as my muse. I can write a short story in the same amount of time it used to take me to sketch. Sometimes even less.

I’d often attributed my creativity to my mood. If I’m on the south end of my emotional compass, I can write. The north end produces the chaos of pictures, whether it’s taking them or making them.

I know that my self-confidence has taken a hit, because I’ve been blocked northward for quite some time now.

I believe all this ridiculous adulting is to blame.

In all honesty, if I’d known how hard it would be, I would have NEVER wanted to rush it. The constant worry about merely living, or the act of being able to just BE in any way, is exhausting.

It’s like trudging through a raging snowstorm, blinded and fighting against the wind.

Don’t get me wrong…the sunshine of life is beautiful. And although the good parts, like sex, love, art, laughter, et cetera (though, not in that order), make our existence seem worthwhile, we still suffer in minute yet terrible ways.

It can be difficult to appreciate the sunshine.

What gets me through is the realization that there is peace in a storm. I’ve witnessed how quiet it can be, and despite everything being utter mayhem, there is beauty in it. That is what I focus on when being an adult starts to lose its luster, as it is often wont to do.

I hope that writing it down will open the gate to my creativity – I need to get these pictures out of my head.

Be safe!

Liz K