Yoooo…WTF, guys?!
Wanna know something sad?
I doubt, with all sincerity, that most of us, whether female or male, gay or straight, young or old, HAVEN’T received an unsolicited penis picture in their day.
That being said…why is it so common?
Don’t get me wrong – I’m an AVID fan of penises/penis-related fun times, and, with being a sexually active and extremely nosy adult, I’ve seen my fair share of them.
I’ve seen from micro to “what are you planning on doing with THAT?” I’ve seen them curved, straight, cut and uncut, slim and girthy, and in all shades humanity comes in. I’ve experienced both shocking speed and amazing stamina.
I’ve seen ALL the myths debunked (speaking of…guys, stop spreading lies about other guys. It’s not only weak asf, it’s also terribly suspect and it doesn’t work in your favor AT ALL). Also, stop passing down bullshit stories to the next generation, because I promise you, those guys are going to meet someone like me who doesn’t stand for that crap, and will happily give them some “act right” expeditiously.
While on the subject…how great a lay a man is really isn’t the most important thing to women. It’s the complimenting drink, not the entrée.
Most of the time during first contact we’re hoping you don’t do something dumb and screw up the chance to get the freshly-coiffed box we’ve got prepared for you.
To REAL adults, as long as it’s been discussed and agreed upon, TIMING. DOESN’T. MATTER, so can we please throw the notions of who’s “easy” or a “slut” out of the window?
And…who tf told y’all that we wanted to know about your past sexual exploits during our initial conversation? That’s NEVER okay, and it’s a sure-fire way for us to fake an emergency to get the hell gone.
I, specifically, don’t need to know your body count, because you’ll SURELY be pissed at mine. And Idgaf. I ascribe to the idea that teaches as long as you didn’t hurt yourself, others or kids, DO WHAT YOU WANT.
Hell, you’ll be signing a NDA with me, anyway.
But, not to veer too far off topic…
Do you know what we do with your unsolicited DPs? We use them as punchlines. We show them to anyone and everyone with eyes that’s willing to see.
And we giggle our damned heads off. Sound familiar?
Word to the unwise… if you’re brave enough to show it, at least put some lotion on it first (I recently got an UDP, and I spent so much time talking about how ashy it was that I couldn’t see anything else!). And prepare for the smoke you may receive as a prize. Make sure any weird little bumps can be explained away, and, at least put a little hat on your mans so that you’re offering something DIFFERENT than what we’ve seen, because I PROMISE you, your dick is not as impressive as you believe it to be. For the record, you’ll be AUTOMATICALLY labeled a fuqboi, no matter how old you are, and we’ll swipe left.
That’s “Basic Bitch” energy, guys.
For Pete’s sake, let ME introduce MYSELF when I’m ready, you strange human! C O N S E N T is K E Y!
This concludes my PSA. I hope a lot of you are listening.
Keep calm, and let US ASK to see!
Happy reading!
Liz K
Classy With An E 