The epic fuqery
I’ve been told that I “talk white” throughout my life.
As a child, I would hear it from other little kids (mostly POC children).
As a teen riddled with the usual angst (gotta love clichés!), I would hear it from most of my peers, especially considering I went to a predominantly black-attended high school. The funny thing about that is how it made me stand out. Not to mention that IDGAF about what was popular or how to get in with the “cool” crowd, because I lead, never follow.
By the time I was 15, my voice had deepened slightly (which I loved, as I was a HUGE fan of Kathleen Turner because of the husky sexiness of her voice). That, and I’d started cursing profusely, because what teen doesn’t have potty mouth when away from their parents?
When I started college, I was already over it. By that point, the chances of a person getting hit with a lot of attitude if they even breathed that nonsense to me were extremely high.
Now, at 42 years of age, I find myself having a midnight conversation about this with an Uber driver a few days ago as I made a mad dash to get to work because of a lack of timely and viable information.
During said conversation, the gentleman told me that my linguistics put him at ease, and that he felt that he could talk to me about any topic because I sounded “educated”. He also went on to tell me how “different” he assumed I was from other Black American women he’d encountered as both a driver and a foreigner because of the way I speak. He said that his words were in all due respect, and that he meant no harm by them.
Then he asked me to marry him.
Pfft.
Since I’m older, wiser, cynical but still ever so polite, I didn’t give him the read that threatened to spill from my lips.
What I did do, and as gently as I could, given the way my snark is set up, was give elucidation to the situation.
First, I told him that he had preconceived notions as to how specific POCs were supposed to sound. Especially those outside of the public eye.
I told him that despite the issues with the lackluster, unequal educational system in this country for some, many of us know how to navigate the realm of the language that we both speak and are taught to write, read and comprehend.
Also, how my grammar and manner of speaking are not contingent to how far my education went because this is who I AM, not who I learned to be.
Most of my mother’s family were educators, from primary school teachers to college professors and deans, so the importance of having an education and knowing how to speak to be understood was drilled into me as a child. I in turn hammered that same mindset into my younger brothers and my son.
What I didn’t tell him about was the issue of”code switching”, and that’s mainly because we didn’t get to it, but also due to the fact that I had more important lessons to impart.
The first one being never judge a book by its cover, even though my cover is quirky and magical. I felt a little strange giving a person older than myself that particular dusty gem.
The second is what that judgement is rooted in, and how that creates a bias and possible prejudices that may not be organic to who you are.
The third is in order to be a citizen of the world, one truly needs an open mind and the ability to think for themselves in order to navigate or even avoid the mindsets and ideologies we tend to develop due to a lack of exposure.
And, the last, but probably most important one is…
We are not, any of us, a monolith. We cannot all be judged by limited interactions with a few.
And that alone reaches across the aisle for so many issues.
Happy reading!
Liz K
Side note, saying things are indicative of a perceived “white” experience is stupid as fuck. Don’t do that.
Classy With An E 