Part 1: Sister-friends
I’m thinking of making this into a series. Pfft. One of many, right?
Disclaimer: Not a therapist, nor do I want to be one. These are merely observations.
A lot of things have happened since my last post, and I’m trying to compartmentalize it all. Please believe I will be expressing my sentiments. All in due time – now, I want to talk about BF/BFF relationships.
Let’s just dive right in.
This is to my sister-friends. You know who you are. Those whose bonds transcend blood and family. Stronger and more supportive than someone I was an actual womb-mate with.
Here’s where I have problems, though.
Sister-friends, don’t complain to excess about your significant other to your other sister-friends, then get mad when you’ve done it so much that we chime in from time to time. Despite what you think, we don’t care about your SO one way or the other. They’re just an adjunct to you in our lives, so we give them space to be so.
I get it. Since we’re not in a relationship with them, we can only go by what you’re saying. And how you’re acting. Well, i’m here to tell you that your leadership sucks.
If you’re being petty and calling them names, and are dismissive about the things that bring them joy… where is your love?
I don’t believe you when you say you love them with your whole heart and act that way.
Because you wouldn’t if you did. No one would.
And don’t be pissy when we piggyback off your energy because, in the end, we want you to be happy. We stress about things going well in your life, and if something doesn’t have you at your best more often than it does, you can move on. None of us want that for the people we care about.
But, if you actually DO love that person, remember that they can see and feel your disdain for them. Especially when you don’t hide it, or even try to. It’s always the tiny cuts that hurt the most, because you don’t see or feel them until you realize they’re there.
Remember – would you really want them to do that to you?
I know that this seems an incredibly simplistic point of view. That’s because it is. Having just witnessed two of my favorite people claim they love their SO, but be horribly rude, hurtful and blatantly dismissive to them, not to mention seeing a lot of people I know hurt those who love them, all I do is shake my head and watch as the trains derail.
I’m sure there’s a part of you that can see what you’re doing, and no amount of anything I can say will really change how you feel (at this stage, change only comes from within. No amount of coaxing will make someone middle-aged change a behavior if they themselves don’t want that change to happen).
I’m not saying that you can’t complain, because everyone needs an outlet for minor frustrations. Where I draw the line is that diminishing madness that erodes a person’s worth, whether you think they know it or not.
Cuz, let’s face it… despite our relationship being different in every way, you say that you love me, too. If I can’t trust how you feel about your “true” love, how am I, or anyone else, safe from your vitriol?
Please believe that if I don’t feel safe with you, I will remove myself from the equation and will burn those bonds to cinders that even Ella couldn’t clear away.
Happy reading!
Liz K
Disclaimer: I only speak on things on this realm that I’ve been intimately involved in, though, and I’ve been questioning some shit for decades. And, yes, I know love can manifest differently for everyone, because obv.
Classy With An E 